Rebellion: Legalism v. Grace

Posted on May 8, 2013 by

I have declared myself a rebel.  I don’t take that back.

However, it’s important to clarify something here.  I was counseled to be cautious as I revel in this “rebellion” to remember the warnings of Scripture.

It is in the heart of the definition of what rebellion is that I call myself a rebel.

The key is found in what the heart of our rebellion is based upon.  In 1 Samuel 15:23, the Lord warns those who are rebellious:

For rebellion is as the sin of divination,  and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because you have rejected the word of the Lord…

I bring up this verse as it was brought up to me, as a caution to all of us rebels.  The basis for our rebellion must be as those who are throwing off a focus on the external, facades, legalism, and “religious-correctness”.   Our rebellion must be against that which is based in man’s failed wisdom and the legalism that results from that.  In no manner am I encouraging us to throw off the Truth of God’s Word, Who He Is, or what He calls us to. 

Legalism:  a dependence on moral law and the development of extra-Biblical rules in which one finds their spiritual confidence and assurance.

Legalism – This is what I rebel against.  This is the lifestyle that so many fellow believers find themselves enslaved to.  This is what I’m calling us from!

As manifested in my upbringing and in those that I know and love, legalism has made its presence known in the addition of extra-Biblical rules including but not limited to strict dress requirements, head coverings for women, Bible translation requirements, limitations on musical instruments and styles, the drinking of any alcohol, the viewing of any movies within a theater, and judgement for those who have differing beliefs.  Within this legalistic view, any straying from those extra-Biblical standards is seen as rebellion.  However, those standards are not found in the heart of the Truth of God’s Word but rooted in man’s fear of failure, the prison of guilt, and a misunderstanding of the character of God and the grace He offers to his children.

This is not a new struggle.  In fact, In Matthew 23, Jesus addresses the Pharisees and their focus on outward demonstrations of “obedience” and their judgment of those who did not follow the rigid standards they had added to the Old Testament Law.

In Galatians 2, we read that Peter leaned towards legalism in his ministry and called some Gentile believers to circumcision (part of the Abrahamic and Mosaic covenants).  This is the same issue that was addressed in Acts 15.  That covenant was fulfilled in the Messianic covenant, the sacrifice of Christ.  Paul confronted him on the addition of an extra-Biblical rule that Peter was saying demonstrated true repentance and belief but which was far from something that Jesus had asked of his disciples.

Colossians 2 is also a wonderful reminder as well of the heart of Grace and the inability to gain any favor with God through the actions we demonstrate:

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. … And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,  by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.

He goes on to beg for us to walk in the freedom we have in Christ and not in the “elemental spirits of the world”:

If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations— “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.

Grace: God’s unmerited favor.

Grace – This is what I’m relishing in. This is where I’m finding my freedom.  This is what I’m calling us to!  In reading for this declaration, I discovered John MacArthur’s article “What is Grace?”  In fact, from this article, I found an even more beautiful definition of Grace: “the free and benevolent influence of a holy God operating sovereignly in the lives of undeserving sinners.”

It is that understanding of my own state before Holy God, my lack of deserving, my inability to earn any favor before Him that finds me on my face reveling in the beauty that is salvation, the power that is Grace.  It is that gratitude that leads me humbly through my life as I walk, throwing off all illusion that any work of my own might accomplish any manner of favor in His eyes.  It is that gratitude that reads and understands the Love and Mercy He demonstrates continually throughout Scripture, and it is that gratitude that finds me holding fast to a single Truth, that which is clearly stated through passage and principle of the Word.

This understanding removes all guilt, decimates my ability to add my faulty wisdom to the Holy Wisdom of God’s Word by adding extra-Biblical standards, and leaves me singing of His amazing Love.

 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18)

Rejoice with me, my fellow rebels!  For Love has come and because we are now seen through the Righteousness of His Son, there is no fear of punishment.  We are perfected in love.

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I am a Rebel.

Posted on May 8, 2013 by

I was recently asked whether my ability to throw off childhood rules (patro-nationalism) and strict religious standards is a matter of rebellion against a childhood that was rather strict.

It has been a sobering question.

Does rebellion fuel my actions?  I have to come a serious and honest understanding that yes, rebellion has found its way into my actions.

Rebellion.  A scary word for someone like myself who has viewed such a severe fight as wrong, who has hated that label for years.  Rebellious.  Rebel.

That is me, if I stop to think and allow myself to understand what it is that I do every day when I wear jeans to church, listen to Maroon 5 or a local pop station, have a glass of wine, or wear a shorter than knee-length skirt.  I’m rebelling.

Yes, I’m a rebel. There I said it.

I’m rebellious.  And proud of it.

I’m rebelling against a focus on the external and focusing on the internal.rebel2

I’m rebelling against legalism and embracing Grace.

I’m rebelling against facades and calling for vulnerability.

I’m rebelling against tradition for tradition sake and following Biblical mandates alone.

I’m rebelling against religious-correctness and finding joy in the uncomfortable.

Are you a rebel?

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I am proud to be his “smoking hot wife.”

Posted on April 27, 2013 by

**This is long, but if you did take the time to read the original article, please do me the honor of reading my response.**

I recently was directed to an article entitled “I’m Sick of Hearing about Your Smoking Hot Wife” published on Christianity Today in which the author attacks pastors and Christian men who publicly praise their “smoking hot” wives, their sex life, and the God-given joys found in marriage.

In this article, the author, a sexual abuse victim, shares how hearing about what a healthy sex life is like makes her bristle because “it’s hard for me to think sex is beautiful. I tend to disconnect from the act”.  She faced raped and molestation as a child and has yet to face freedom from the horrors of those actions.

Bear with me as I wrestle with the grace and patience this poor woman must be offered and the hard truth that she needs to hear.  Know this: I do not speak at a rose-cheeked child unaware of the reality of what abuse of a variety of kinds looks and feels like.  I don’t discuss this as a woman who’s never felt pain or abandonment or a lack of worth.  I don’t minimize the pain of what she and so many others have experienced at the hands of the wretched.  I merely call her and myself to a higher standard than what she has allowed to control her life.

In her article, her first point supporting her “bristling” and “bile in her throat” in response to pastors and husbands who talk about their wives and sex in a positive light is to discuss what she believes “God requires of us” in regards to sex in marriage. (I would like to see her Biblical basis for this statement.)  My heart breaks for her if she has this understanding that sex is a requirement, as in another law or “must-do” or command.  I pity her that she has never experienced within her marriage the sweet oneness that true emotional and physical sexual unity can bring.  Yes, it is understood that if you agreed to get married, sex is a “requirement” but everything in Scripture points to sex as something that should be joyful, relished by both parties, and treasured as something sacred.   The Scriptural understanding of sex as sacred is never demonstrated in the article. (Hebrews 13:4)  She looks at it as a command, a fulfillment of her husband’s needs, and something that she is bound to endure as someone broken, scarred, and festering in pain and unresolved anger and bitterness.

104530As a result, not only is her view of sex skewed, but her understanding of God has found itself twisted amongst the wreckage of her broken heart.  Overflowing from her comments about the inappropriateness of the church’s view of sexuality and her understanding of sex as something that is required of her and her belief that any requirements made of the married woman in regards to performance for her husband in the bedroom has distorted her understanding of marriage as a whole.  It has thwarted her ability to view marriage as the image of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:22-32), as suddenly his needs are pressures and impositions and almost unjust in her mind.  If sex is something God designed to be a requirement in marriage for a woman to “endure”, then what does that say about the character of God?

Her next point is that open communication between spouses is needed in the bedroom.  Absolutely.  I think sex is easier to talk about before marriage than after, as the needs and specificity are more embarrassing post-wedding vows than they should be.  It is the devil’s lie that you can have an “ok” sex life as a married couple and can never reach a point of sexual ecstasy as a couple.  (Does he not try to get us to be satisfied with a lukewarm relationship with the Lord in the same manner?)  Open communication is a must, but her attitude has unfortunately skewed this as well as she only discusses and allows for discussion for her own needs as the injured party.  She does not include any discussion of her husband’s needs and desires and wishes.  The only discussion she expresses that is necessary is that he be willing to hear pain and frustration and realize that “it’s not always so easy to move from ‘This is bad,’ to ‘This is good.’ I was utterly, profoundly petrified of my wedding night. It’s taken me years to move from bad to good.” I’m sorry, sister, but if what you have described as sex as obligation is “good”, I would never want it either.

Her next point is just as one-sided.  She talks about sacrificing for the other person but never addresses her need to deal with her past and her pain and bitterness in order to sacrifice for her husband.  To her, having sex is a sacrifice as she claims she “could make a case for never having sex.” That itself is an extremely unbiblical view, as if her pain or past can justify her withholding satisfaction from the man she vowed to love and give herself to. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5) Not only that, but I would challenge her that the act of sex itself does not necessarily fulfill and satisfy your spouse.  In fact, it is the heart behind the “I gave some; that should be enough” that is the most selfish and appalling.  She demonstrates no real regard for meeting his sexual needs except to go as far as reluctantly “doing the deed”.

Earlier in the discussion and then in her next point, the author discusses another one-side view of the sexual relationship, spousal understanding, and her “holistic view of sex”.  She confronts those who think that if women “struggle in the sexual area and their husbands look elsewhere, it’s partly their fault. They’ve violated that scriptural call to be a smoking hot, sexually satisfying wife.”  While I do not agree that I would be responsible for the heart behind my husband seeking satisfaction outside of marriage, if I were not consciously and actively seeking to meet his needs on a regular basis, I would be responsible for my part in driving him away sexually and provoking him to pursue sexual satisfaction elsewhere. I would liken this argument to the understanding that parents are not responsible for rebellious teenagers, but they are Biblically held responsible for driving them there if they have provoked them. (Eph. 6:4)

In the same way, I would warn her against her emphasis on the view that “Men are gentle, strong, wild, yet not held hostage by sexual urges.”  While I agree with the statement individually, the author has made it so obviously clear that her husband’s needs must yield to her pain and unresolved past.  She holds it against him that he has sexual urges, as if these uncontrolled passions make him another perpetrator against her.  Again, a twisted view of the God-given desires, which are so clearly viewed as beautiful in their correct place —marriage–within Scripture. (Song of Solomon)

She also says that our sexual relationship as a couple must include dignity for each other. She says that we must view each other as “whole people” and therefore we “dignify our God.”  Unfortunately, she is the one with misunderstood view of her own pain and is the self-declared un-whole person.   While I do not know her husband, I dare to say that he has treated her with more dignity and more Christlike patience than she deserves for what she has offered him in return.  If it is possible for sinful man to “dignify” a Holy God, I would say his patience with her one-sided twisted view of sex is acting as quite an example of His Holiness, Patience, and character.

She next discusses her healing.  While I would dare to call this minimal in relationship to what true healing is (and again, I say this as someone who has been broken and needed serious healing as well), I can applaud her desire to heal.  Unfortunately, she has limited herself to agreeing to a sexual relationship and found that as an equality for sexual healing instead of “staying” bitter and refusing sex altogether (I use quotations there because I would dare say she is still bitter).

She finishes up her article by saying that we need to recognize growth, which, while important for any spouse of a sexual abuse victim, is not the end-all for solving this sorrowful dilemma.  The pain of what she experienced was real.  She’s “making progress” but in her mind, there are some things that will never change.  She has limited not only her sexual relationship with her husband but the depth of the healing she could experience and the power of a Holy and Loving God to make broken pasts into beautiful works of artistic mastery.

I am by no means disregarding what she is feeling or thinking that it is possible for a husband to not quite understand the pain which his wife has experienced because of past sexual abuse.  The article is useful for that reason alone.  However, to use this as a fight against another couple’s ability to enjoy and rejoice in a healthy and undamaged sexual relationship is to selfishly impose one’s past on others, to skew what is beautiful and healthy and God-given into something that is required and endured, and to dangerously view God in a way so that He is no longer the Giver of what is good and perfect (James 1:17) but the Designer of something unpleasant and emotionally painful.

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Victory: Taking Thoughts Captive

Posted on April 27, 2013 by

 

It is amazing to me the power of emotions.  One simple suggestion reminds of an unfriendly reality which finds me saddened the current state of things and then frustrated, tearful, restless, discontent.

Is that not the power of a single, uncontrolled thought?  It leads from one single point victorythrough a myriad of explainable emotions to create additional thoughts and reveal other yet undiscovered (or just rediscovered) emotions and desires and pain.

When God has called us to take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), I have to believe that He calls us to that because He knows our tendencies, especially as women, to allow one thought to spiral into a deep hole of thoughts that neither glorify Him nor remind us of what’s eternal.

It’s a simple choice, you know, like putting your hands down on the sides of a sled and allowing the friction to bring you to a slow halt.  It’s not always as easy as hitting the power button on our minds and watching the screen of our minds clear.  Sometimes the halt is slower and less than pretty.  Sometimes the tears still come, the struggles still rise up, the temptations still threaten.

The thoughts are captive though.  That’s the beauty of those hands dug in the snow to bring the proverbial sled to a stop.  It might take a decent amount of time, you might lose feeling in your hands or lose a glove, but the decision is made to stop what is out of control, and therein lies the victory.

Today I stuck my hands in the snow.  Victory is sweet.

 

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16 Weeks: My Healthy Avocado

Posted on April 17, 2013 by

Making it week 16 is like making it to age 15.  You’re still a teenager, but it’s somehow cooler and more official than just making it into the ranks like 13 and 14.  In the same way, week 15 felt like I had JUST made it into the second trimester.  Now, at least I’ve been here for two weeks. … and yes, that sounds completely irrational now that I read it, but oh, well. :)

How I look

My little belly is growing.  It’s more noticeable to other people.  At one point this week, Imms_picture-5 woke up and felt like it was not really debatable that I have a baby belly. :) No complaints.  I went through some clothes in my closet and dresser and put them away for post-baby wear, because my belly has started to grow and one thing I detest is stretched out shirts (Just ask my little sister. I was anal about that growing up).

Weight Gain

I had a doctor’s appointment this past Monday.  I ate breakfast before I went and drank about 16 oz of water/juice.  According to their scale, I had gained back the 2 pounds I’d “lost” (I hadn’t lost anything last time.  So, according to them, I’m still at my starting weight, meaning I’ve not gained a pound.  I think maybe I haven’t gained anything since last visit and the eating and drinking that morning helped bump me up where I “needed” to be. Either way, the doctor wasn’t upset with my progress or lack thereof but she did give me a stern “keep eating.”  I am, woman; believe me. I am.  I did a quick measurement on Sunday, and I’ve lost inches on my legs (which seems weird to me) but it’s probably a loss of muscle definition as that was definitely the first body change I noticed.

Food Cravings/Aversions

The past two weeks I have craved nothing but fruit (except have zero interest in apple and oranges) and vegetables.  I must be in need of some additional vitamins.  Other than that, I’m still eating normally, eating a lot, and not really having any noted aversions.  I had been completely grossed out by the smell of Ramen noodles for a few weeks, but that doesn’t seem to bother me anymore.

Baby Size

My baby is now the size of an avocado.  Somehow that seems smaller than an orange to me, but he/she now weighs approximately 3.5 oz and is 4.6 inches long.

Movement

Oh my word!!!!!!! I felt the baby 100% positively this past Sunday.  Adam and I were relaxing on the couch, and I was poking and prodding around my belly, as I find myself doing some times.  I had located the general area where the baby was and was feeling around, when I felt a tiny little ridge area.  I was going to tell Adam to feel there when suddenly, I felt something strange on the inside, and the little person in me moved underneath my fingers.  I can’t even stop smiling when I think about it.  What an amazing miracle of life growing within me.

Boy/Girl

The predictions have begun.  Comment and let me know what gender you think our baby is! :) I am so excited to find out in 1 month!

Doctor Appointments

We had our 16-week appointment on Monday, and it went well.  The doctor said my blood pressure couldn’t be better, and my little one has a healthy heartbeat between 158 and 161.  

Additional Notes

We’ve officially chosen the “baby’s room”, which has been acting as my workout room.  So what… I’ll be lifting weights next to the crib and changing table. Lol  I’m excited to do some painting and preparation for the baby’s coming.

More Updates to Come!

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