Talk about It Tuesdays: Five Ways to Love Your Husband (pt 2)

Well, if you didn’t read last week’s Talk about It Tuesdays, I recommend you go back and start at part 1 of this series.  Why?  Well, this series is a tough and somewhat unpopular discussion amongst women today, and last week’s post on respect and the Biblical definition and life application of it for married women today will definitely show you my heart in writing this series. In other words, if you’re not a fan of last week’s post, you won’t like this week’s either.

So, with that disclaimer, thank you for reading.  I’m encouraged that you are continuing on despite my lack of political correctness.  Let’s talk about part 2, the second way that you can—-that I can—-love your [my] husband.

As I looked through my list of five reasons, I almost had a hard time knowing which point should really come next in this series.  However, I decided that this issue is the most important because of how the husband-and-wife relationship in this area has a direct and primary connection to the woman’s relationship with Jesus Christ.

This next point in Five Ways to Love Your Husband directly affects one’s marriage.  That I am certain.  However, first of all, the issue of trust affects one’s individual life and walk with Jesus Christ.

Some of the best examples for the demonstration of real trust are children.  Think about it.  Most children have a sincere, innocent view of others that anticipates that the interaction they have with another person is not dangerous in any way. The child’s mentality is “why would they hurt me?”  I saw this with my young niece.  She would often jump off a piece of furniture towards me, making the assumption that I would catch her. There was an built-in trust that I would do whatever possible to catch/help/save her.  She didn’t worry.  That’s trust.

We can see this in children who get kidnapped as well.  The predators take advantage of a child’s innate trust.

So, where do we change?  When did we stop being trusting children and become such untrusting adults? (Of course, this is a generalization that all adults are untrusting.) Well, as some point, the object of our trust failed us.  We learned about the concept of kidnapping, someone didn’t catch us when we took a jump from a high ledge, and our expectations of others never failing us were dashed on the rocks.

So, does that give us justification for not trusting today?  Am I supporting those of you who don’t trust your husbands? Is it all because you were hurt in the past and you’re just a victim here?  God forbid. I am here to challenge that mindset.

Before we move on, let’s take a look at one of the Biblical definitions of the word “trust”.

Trust in the context that we’re discussing it is the Hebrew word “batach” (bätakh’).  According to the Strong’s Concordance, the word means:

1) to have confidence, be confident

2) to be bold

3) to be secure

4) to cause to trust, make secure

5) to feel safe, be careless

To be honest, that’s a pretty close definition to the one we would have read in Webster’s, but getting the definition from the original language is key to understanding how to apply Biblical truths.  When we take a look at the examples offered throughout the Bible discussing trust, we can see one clear trend:  When people put trust in people and/or things, they will constantly be disappointed.

Psalm 41:9

Even my close friend in whom I trusted,
who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.

Psalm 44:6

For not in my bow do I trust,
nor can my sword save me.

Psalm 146:3-4

Put not your trust in princes,
in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth;
on that very day his plans perish.

So, what we can ascertain here from these verses is that trusting in —put all your expectations on—a human being, your own heart/confidence, or an object (riches, might, etc) will always fail you.

So, why trust?  This is sure sounding like a justification for your lack of trust, isn’t it?  Again, God forbid.  I want to start at the foundation of trust, and that is, if the object of our trust is fallible and imperfect, we will constantly be disappointed.  In other words, in direct relation to our marriage, if my confidence is in my husband, then I will always be disappointed.  Why? Because he’s human, because he’ll fail me, and because of both of our sin natures.  So, where does that leave us?

In contrast to the verses we just read regarding people, ideologies, and things that will fail us, let’s look at a few of the hundred plus verses that discuss the One who will never fail us and who is completely trustworthy:

1 Chronicles 5:20

And when they prevailed over them, the Hagrites and all who were with them were given into their hands, for they cried out to God in the battle, and he granted their urgent plea because they trusted in him.

Psalm 22:4-5

In you our fathers trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried and were rescued;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

Psalm 27:3

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident. (This word “confident” is the same as “trust”.)

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

Reading these verses, we can ascertain a very important truth: Those who put their hope (and trust) in the Lord will not be disappointed (Is. 49:23)

So wait…. what does that even mean?  How do we take this and apply it to our lives?  How do we better love our husbands knowing this truth?

My ability to trust my husband’s leadership is directly related to my ability or willingness to trust Jesus Christ.  If I have put my trust in Jesus Christ and His Character (which includes sovereignty, fulfillment of promises, and His guidance through the spiritual leader He has placed in my life), then I know that He is guiding and leading my husband as the Master and Commander of his life.  That means that He is not only fully aware of my husband’s fallibility, but He is in control of his leadership through the Holy Spirit (who is able to lead him in all truth–John 16:13).

So, practically, my trust for my husband is directly affected by what I put my trust in. Am I completely dependent on my husband’s human wisdom and have I put upon him expectations and an infallibility that is unrealistic to the human nature?  Or…. is my hope in Jesus Christ, in the Holy Spirit, and in the Father?  When my hope is in the right location, only then can I start to trust my husband as a the spiritual leader in our home.  Only then can I have full confidence when things are tough, when we are “surrounded by our enemies”, and when we are facing battles in life.

Therefore, if Adam ever disappoints me, or makes a decision that isn’t what I would have deemed best, do I lose my ability to trust his leadership?  If things are ever rough, do I start to nag and push my way because I don’t think he can lead?  No, because my trust is in the Power of Christ, the only One who is completely infallible.  I trust in the Holy Spirit and His ability to move in the heart of my husband. I trust in the promises of the Father and His guidance to my husband who trusts in Him.

Where is your trust?

Have you put your confidence in mankind? in earthly wisdom?  Are you putting on your husband the expectation of infallibility and infinite wisdom?

Why not put your trust completely in Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, and God the Father and let Him lead and guide your husband? Why not trust the Lord to fulfill His Character as trustworthy?

So, how do I demonstrate that trust in my life?  How do I change from putting my expectations on Adam and start putting my expectations on Christ?

A few ideas to apply these truths:

• Memorize verses that discuss trusting in God and His Faithfulness to those who do
• Apologize to your husband for putting unrealistic expectations on him and let him know you’re now trusting God to lead through him
• When you face disagreements or disappointments, run through your heart and check your motives, check your object of trust, and realign yourself with Scripture.

I don’t know about you, but once again, I find myself broken with my own selfish pride.  How often do I put expectations on my husband and watch him fail because my expectations are impossible.  I expect him to be 100% perfect and infallible, as I sit there is my self-erected judgment seat, claiming to be god.  Instead, I should be on my knees in those moments of disappointment or disagreement, asking God to give me a heart of trust in Him, in His Character, and His Faithfulness.

What about you?

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Tune in next week for part 3 of this series on Talk about It Tuesdays: Five Ways to Love Your Husband

(Picture courtesy of toughsledding.com)