Talk about It Tuesdays: Five Ways to Love Your Husband (pt. 5)

Well, here we go.  Today’s discussion is the last topic in this series of Five Ways to Love Your Husband.  Once again, I don’t in any way think that these are exhaustive discussions about which all has now been written.  On the other hand, I do believe that these topics are at the heart of what it means to love the man in your life.

This last word I have for you might make you a little nervous.  It’s the word “intimacy.”  I must warn you ….

…. you have nothing to be concerned about. 🙂

Proverbs 3:6 says:

“In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

The key word here is “acknowledge”.  According to the Lexicon, the original word for “acknowledge” is yada’, which means, in short, “to know”.  It is used in a variety of passages throughout the Old Testament to discuss that which is known in the mind and heart of people (Gen. 9:24, 12:11; Job 11:6; Jonah 1:10 and numerous other verses throughout those books and others.) as well as to describe, in the most-intimate sense, a man knowing his wife (Gen 4:1, 17, 25).  It is this common word used in both discussions that spurs my thoughts this morning.

How can the same word for “know” be used in a discussion of that which is known in the heart and mind, in a charge to which God calls us to acknowledge Him, and in the record of a man and woman consummating their love?   

The common denominator is intimacy. In our culture, and especially, in the context of marriage, the topic of intimacy, is normally reserved for the discussion of sexual expressions of love; but I would like to challenge that understanding by taking you to what I believe is the heart of true intimacy: knowing your spouse.

If you’re married, you would agree with me that relational fellowship as a couple will and does affect one’s ability to fully enjoy physical intimacy.  If there is conflict between spouses, physical intimacy is always affected. This proves to us one thing: intimacy much deeper than the physical level.  Intimacy must involve the hearts, minds, and yes, souls–not just the bodies.

The reason this is is because intimacy is not rooted in physical things. Intimacy, first and foremost and most importantly, begins in the simple task of “knowing”.  This knowing, of your spouse particularly, is not just the platonic “I know ‘so-and-so’ from my job or from seeing them often.” This isn’t even referring to a close friend.  This kind of knowing is talking about one person knowing another in the deepest and most-intense way.

When God calls us to know Him, He is not calling us to have a casual relationship with Him.  The verse prior to Prov. 3:6 calls us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”  That, most-definitely, is not a casual relationship.  Here, we are called to the kind of relationship in which we rest completely in Him, giving up our own agendas, trusting in His unfailing Love, and knowing His Love and plan for us are greater than our own understanding. This kind of love, this kind of intimate “knowing” of God, affects our day-to-day lives, our ability to deal with crisis in life, our understanding of joy, and our whole view of His love for us.

Psalm 1:6 also gives us some new insight into this word “know” and how it relates to the relationship we have with the Lord:

for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

Psalm 31:7 also says:

I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
because you have seen my affliction;
you have known the distress of my soul,

Psalm 94:11 reads:

The LORD knows the thoughts of man, that they [are] vanity.

Nahum 1:7 also says:

The LORD [is] good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knows them that trust in him.

In all of these passages, there is an understanding of the Lord knowing the depths of mankind. He doesn’t know us on a shallow level, knowing only about us or a few minute details. No, He knows us inside and out, the beatings of our heart, the abomination of our sin, the inner workings of His creation.  That is what it means “to know”.

In the same way, that kind of knowing is the basis for intimacy as a couple.  That intimate “knowing” of your spouse brings to the relationship an understanding of the heart, of passions, of fears, of hopes and dreams, and hurts and hates, and as many of the aspects of humankind that can be communicated both consciously and subconsciously.

Do you know your husband that well?

It always makes me smile when Adam and I have those moments. We had one recently regarding the Chenango Fire Company’s annual Christmas party.  The gentleman in charge spoke to Adam at a fire meeting letting him know he got my RSVP phone message saying the two of us would be in attendance.  However, the message cut off and he missed our choice of entree.  There were three choices (prime rib, chicken bruschetta, and grilled swordfish). Adam’s meal of choice was obvious: prime rib.

The next thing that happened makes me smile just thinking about it: Adam didn’t know what I had chosen for my dish, but knowing me, he made the decision based on how I think through my decisions and what my desires are.  He told me he remembered thinking that I loved trying new foods, so I would probably love to try the swordfish; however, he knew I would think through my choices, realize I would most-likely not be able to finish a large portion, so I would order something Adam liked so he could finish it. So, he ordered the prime rib for me as well.

He knew my way of thinking, he knew my desires, he knew me.  Do you know your man enough to know his desires, his mindset, his passions, his fears?

That, my friend, is intimacy at the heart.  That is the root of a great sex life.  Intimacy on the relational level is the basis for intimacy on the physical level.

What can you do today to get to know your man more?  How can you take your relationship to a deeper level by not making assumptions about the man you love but by getting to know him so that you can love him as you ought to and hopefully, as you desire.

This understanding of intimacy as something deeper than the physical excites me.  This realization challenges me to pursue my husband in an affectionate, persistent, and life-changing way, so that I can respect him more fully, trust him more deeply, pray for him more specifically, serve him more affectively, and yes, know him more.  With that, I challenge you to do the same, so that together, we can grow in this love for our husbands and glorify the Lord in our God-given role.

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As you know, this is the last of our five-topic series on How to Love Your Husband.  I’m prayerfully considering what the next serious topic will be for Tuesdays and want to invite you to submit topic requests, questions, etc. for future discussion.  I’m here to serve you.