I’m beginning to hate this.
I know, I know.
Those are strong words, right?
But I do! I hate the way you’ve been…. for how long? All the time I’ve known you!…forever!
I can’t remember you any other way. You’ve sworn to me over and over that you would change. You’ve set goals–you’ve even held to them for about 3 weeks flat–but you never reach them!
You tell me over and over that this time will be different.
I can’t say I believe you anymore. How could anyone after how many “commitments” you’ve made… and then broken?!
It’s not about the actions, my friend. It’s not about the things you said you’d do and then did, or the things you said you wouldn’t do and yet did anyway. It’s not that. What hurts me most is the heart behind it.
You’re selfish in what you’re doing.
You’re uncaring in what you’re not doing.
Don’t you care about me?
Don’t you care about what I’ll face tomorrow?
Don’t you realize my busy schedule?
You say things will change before you have kids? Yeah right…
If you don’t change them now, you’ll never change these actions.
More importantly than just changing those actions though, where is the change of heart that you swore was there?
What motivates you to avoid doing what you know you should?
What excuse will you use this time?
Change needs to happen.. but real change.
I’m done with these “resolutions” that you’ll be someone you’re really not.
I need you to change.
I need you.
-Letter to my unorganized self