This morning I had a temper tantrum. I didn’t find myself thrashing on the floor of my kitchen with limbs flailing and lungs letting out a guttural scream, but my heart was there.
Disappointment. Something so small, 3 minutes of my time, and from then on, the day—my life— seemed ruined.
I’m rather ashamed to let you know how I reacted.
At first, I was closed off and matter-of-fact. I stated my disappointment like it was of little consequence to me. Then, about 45 minutes later, when I was alone and making my way down the highway on my morning run, I fought with the Lord.
Suddenly, nothing was right about the whole situation, and I told Him all about how upset and angry I was feeling, and the more I complained to the Lord, the more I hated that this little disappointment had revealed such a wealth of nasty emotions within.
I had made plans. In my head, things were decided. In my mind, I had reached a conclusion, and things were a certain way… but the Lord had different plans. I find myself somewhere between a chuckle at how ridiculous I was, a sigh at how merciful and patient the Lord is with me, and a grimace at how pridefully demanding my heart was.
Last night, at our Young Adults Small Group, one of our young guys spoke of a church at which he had candidated for a position. He had needed to be accepted by 80% of the vote, and because one family (small church) had a flat tire and couldn’t make it to the meeting, he only got 75%. At first, he was tempted to be upset; but within a month’s time, the senior pastor had resigned and the church was being led by a former pastor from another church he knew of who was less than qualified. God had protected him.
I remember thinking last night of how we shake our heads at Israel for their lack of faith when they saw God’s work so clearly in bringing them out of Egypt, and yet they turned to graven images over and over again. I was going to make a comment of how we were so similar, and how perspective of God’s sovereignty and character should be what gives us perspective when things don’t go our way.
Fast-forward to this morning, and I could have used a little knock-over-the-head reminder of the character of the Lord, His Goodness, and my own lack of faith. I’m so thankful that He is so patient with me.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh and refreshmentto your bones.” Prov. 3:5-8