Adam and I had a long-distance friendship/relationship for the first few months. (If you don’t know our love story, comment and let me know, and I’ll post it for you. 🙂 ) At one point in this friendship, Aaron (Adam’s brother) and I started chatting on Skype. We were pretty close friends for being long-distance pals, and as he set up his new Mac, he and I shared some fun afternoons working on projects and chatting long-distance (He was in NY and Canada at that point while I was in California.) Soon, Mandy, Adam’s sister, got Skype too, and we Skyped an evening or two as well.
This worked similarly in the area of texting. I texted with Aaron a ton and with Mandy as well.
However, despite chatting with all of Adam’s family, Adam and I never Skyped. We never texted either.
People on the East Coast gave Adam a really hard time for this. West Coasters even raised their eyebrows at me for not being upset at Adam’s refusal to communicate more face-to-face. At first I was a little confused for sure, but here’s what I became convicted of…
In a Godly relationship, the man is the leader. Yes, I know… it’s very anti-feminism. I’m not saying anything here about worth as individual people in society or before the eyes of God. That’s not the point. The God-glorifying relationship between a husband and wife is meant to mirror the relationship between Christ and the Church with the man acting and leader and the woman acting as His loyal lover.
So, what if you’re not married? I could deviate from my discussion. I could talk about dating with the purpose of marriage versus dating so you’re not alone. There’s a big difference. However, as a Christian, whether you’re married or not, your purpose in your relationship should be to glorify God and model His intended purpose for that relationship. So, here’s my challenge for you:
If you don’t trust him now, when will you start? Trust is such a huge thing in a marriage. (For my thoughts on this, check out my discussion on How to Love Your Husband.) Actually, it’s a huge thing in any relationship romantic or otherwise. However, for the Christian young ladies of my day, I would say that one of the biggest downfalls I’ve found is the inability to trust.
What if he’s only doing this for himself? What if he doesn’t mean everything he’s saying? What if he’s not saying what he really means? What if there’s something he’s not considering in this decision and he makes the wrong decision and he messes things up and then….. [Insert hair-pulling scream here.]
There’s so many times in life and specifically in relationships that we’re are offered the chance to doubt our man’s leadership. Of course, this goes back to the curse God gave to Eve in the garden for her disobedience (Stupid Eve…) – that her desire would always be for her husband (actually for his position). (Genesis 3:16)
However, it’s those moments when you are tempted to doubt the quality of leadership you’re following or the intent of his heart that you’re faced with the opportunity to do the one thing that is hardest to do when we feel in jeopardy. Trust.
So, let’s say I challenged Adam on his decision to talk more face-t0-face through our long-distance relationship. We were still in the foundational steps of our relationships, only just a month or so into it. Already I’m challenging him? Already I’m fighting his decision? Do I learn trust by saying “I do” and suddenly entrusting him with the whole of my life or do I take the small opportunities to offer him my trust to show him respect and glorify the Lord through my small step of faith (and ultimate trust in the Lord).
Thankfully, the Lord really convicted me of this need to trust Adam during this seemingly confusing time of a long-distance relationship. Thankfully, He brought us through that time, brought us together, and has continued to bless our relationship and now marriage. However, I always look back to that time as a monumental turning point for us. That one decision that I at first didn’t understand and almost wanted to challenge allowed me to be more comfortable with later decisions he made and overall, accomplished an easier transition into our official roles at husband and wife.
What about you?
1 thought on “Talk about It Tuesdays: 50 Practical Do’s and Don’t’s for Relationships (Pt 3)”
I would LOVE to read your story! I like hearing how people meet!:)